Nicole and I had our consult with the infertility clinic yesterday. It actually went quite well. We learned about what types of meds and procedures the doctors recommend based on our situation. We also learned that our health insurance is amazing. In fact, everything should be 100% covered. Even co-pays for the visits. The only thing we will have to pay for at all is our co-pay for the meds and our deductible for the 6 weeks of care that the clinic requires after we are pregnant. The insurance doesn't consider that care part of the infertility treatments, so it falls into out 80/20 coverage. We are totally fine with that because it won't be that expensive anyway. More importantly, we could totally fall into the category of couples who have to pay everything out of pocket. There still might be issues with the insurance company, but more than likely there won't be. Thank God for good NY State health insurance.
Nicole and I talked before we got married about me not being able to have children and the different ways I could feel like I am apart of this whole baby making thing. I spent sometime on men's infertility support websites as, to be honest, I felt a loss on not being able to have biological children. I think it's important to allow oneself to feel that sense of loss even if having children isn't really about my DNA. I know that our children will be our children either way and that I will be their father. The good news is that sense of loss didn't last long. As soon as I started thinking about finding the right sperm donor, I started thinking about it as "shopping" for the characteristics that will best benefit my children. Let's be honest: I got excited because I could look for a 6ft tall guy with a good throwing arm and quick feet. The makings of a great Sooner football quarterback! Suddenly, I was able to see that this whole sperm donor thing wasn't a loss, but a gain. With it I will be able to have children I can teach about God and love until their eyes pop out; that in the grand scheme of things who I am as a father will benefit them more then what's in my DNA.
Nicole and I have decided that I get to pick the donor. I'll review my finial selections with her, but it's my decision. I'm glad for that. It gives me a part in this journey that's actually mine. I appreciate that Nicole understands that and she doesn't go looking for donors that she likes. She hasn't recommended one and I love her for that. She understands that I want to be involved in making a baby and this is how I get to be. I look through options and talk to her about them. We chat and discuss, but we know this is my choice. I love that.
We are going to go with the facial matching program. I narrow down a few choices and then hand over several photos of myself which then get matched to adult photos of the donors. This clearly gives me a better chance at the kids looks somewhat like me. But when it comes down to it looks don't really matter. My heart is big enough to allow for anything.
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