Movin' on up from Aug. to May!

Okay, so Nicole and I are pretty certain that we are going to be moving up the time frame for babymaking from August to May. This, of course, is due to our ever increasing desire to have babies! We are seriously interested and even more so after our newest nephew, Luca, was born some time this past October. (We got him the cutest onesies of a cat, a ghost and a pumpkin!)

With this whole talk of moving up the date of hiring a doc to get my wife knocked up, I came home today with a new found zeal for scrolling through the never ending list of sperm donors. We are planning to shell out the $60 to do a facial matching program with Fairfax Cryobank, which basically means that I need narrow down my picks to five or six donors. Then the staff will match my photos with adult photos of the donors to hopefully find one of the six that best looks like me (matches my facial features).

There are really only two things that I really want in my pick besides having some of my facial features: tall (probably bc I'm only 5'8 and I want him or her to grow-up to be able to see over the offense line) and medium skin tone of some sort (I have olive and I'm trying to counter Nicole looking like a ghost). I have narrowed down to 4 choices right now. . .although I might add more later.

Currently, I have:

Donor 4160: Swiss-English-Swedish-Norweg./German-Polish, 6'1", Med light skin tone with blue eyes and brown wavy hair

Donor 4164: German/German, 6'3", Med light skin tone with green eyes and blond curly hair.

Donor 2716: Danish-German/French Canadian, 5'11", Med skin tone with brown eyes and brown straight hair.

Donor 4100: English-Irish/Czech-English, 5'11", Med skin tone with hazel eyes and brown curly hair.



My first thought is that I don't have curly hair, but I would love to have a curly haired little baby. I don't know what that means or if it even means anything, but I did notice that all but one of those donors has hair or either the wavy or curly variety. This is not something I was after when I was going through the list picking my favs.

My other thought is although I don't remember which one it is now, one of my donor's father's father die of a brain tumor. Same as my father's father. I don't really understand it, but for some reason this is comforting to me. I suppose it makes me feel like we are using my genetic code or at least more so. On the other hand, is it wrong of me to potentially pick a donor with a family history of brain cancer? Part of me says "no, it's not" because there are so many reasons and ways one can get cancer now anyway that it probably doesn't really matter, but then again I have the option of choosing a genetic code that is less likely to result in cancer if I so decide. Maybe I'm thinking to hard about this. More than anything I'm pretty satisfied, happy I would say, with a donor pick that resembles some of my own family's health problem such as this brain tumor guy or the one I thought about picking who has anxiety (I think I cut him because he was too short anyway). After all, it doesn't really matter does it? God has a date and time lined up already anyway.

The moral is that I have narrowed down to four "favorites" and that we are moving the date of getting started with this whole adventure sooner because, well, we really can't freakin' wait!

No, I am not like you. Please stop laughing.

If you follow my blog you might have read the posting during which I chat about the things I do to protect my marriage.

One of the points I discuss in that blog is the practice I have committed to of limiting the times I am alone with a woman other than my wife. Recently, I have been challenged in this because my supervisors for both of my jobs are female. I have been laughed at, told that I won't be working if I can't be scheduled alone in the building with one woman and received a booklet full of strange looks.

First, I'm struggling with how one gracefully explains that out of respect for my wife I choose not to be alone with a single woman. (At work I am okay with being alone with a group of women.) Somehow every time I have said something it always comes out less graceful and put together then I imagined it would.

Secondly, these are the first times that I have ever been laughed at for my moral and faith based values. My first thoughts are "wow, painful" but recently I've been wondering what that says about my past values and the culture as a whole. Does one need to be laughed at or mocked by secular culture to have strong moral values? Does being laughed at by this culture mean that I actually have values beyond the basics of murder, etc? Clearly, not everyone commits to practices that protect his or her marriage like I have, but we also live in a time when divorce and infidelity are insanely high. Should I be proud of this laughter and criticism?

I have recently learned that I am going through a test of my commitments. I don't think that I will have to push back as much as I am now as often in the future, but I do think this is some sort of adjustment period for me. I was prepared to be different. I was prepared for it to be a struggle internally. I was prepared for the adjustment of having to pay more attention. However, I was not prepared for this commitment to become so public at work or for me to literally be laughed at.

I appreciate the challenge, God, and with You as my light I will follow.

Season of Preparation: Money Management

It's official, Nicole and I are dieing to have a baby! Seriously, little comments about "enjoy just being with each other" and "put it off as long as you can" will not help us. We are doomed for baby-dum soon. . .parenthood here we come!

However, recently we figure out that with my extra job stocking at A.C. Moore and continuing to be frugal we could get rid of a large chunk of our debt before baby comes. That idea got our hamsters running about the things we want to do before we have babies. Next thing you know, we were calling this a Season of Preparation with our money as well as our baby making.

Why do we want to have children so soon anyway?

First, we aren't as young as a lot of our friends were when they got married. Their life clock had more years on it for just hanging out. Our clock is already getting to 30yrs. I know that's pretty young, but it's already going to be a medical challenge for Nicole to have babies (see link above) and age will only make it harder.

More importantly, we want a large family. The thing is our definitions of "large" are a bit different. Nicole says four whereas large to me is in the 6 or 8 kid range. Take a deep breath ladies, I know I'm not the one having the babies! We have agreed to start with four and then reevaluate after. I'm feeling called to have many children to grow and train up for God and I know that Nicole is feeling the same way.


Our current plan:

1. We decided for budget reasons to take a less expensive honeymoon and instead take a more "big deal" vacation for our one year anniversary. We are currently leaning toward a visit to a beautiful place in southern CA.

2. I really want to attend a Christian marriage retreat before babies come. We believe that a house need to be build on a strong foundation. We are thinking we will do one close to home sometime next year.

3. Pay off nearly all of our consumer debt. My car will be paid off by the time any said baby actually arrives.

4. Stay cash, go cash, nothing else but cash for ever and ever Amen! We are a Dave Ramsey family and have committed to not borrowing any money ever again except our house loan which we got an amazing, amazing deal on. Yes, this includes cars.


Regardless, we can't wait to have some babies up n' dis crib! We just want to be as prepared with our money as we can without dragging this out until we are millionaires.

Simple Things You Can Do Today To Protect Your Children (Part 3 in a series)

Look more carefully at your child's car seat.


I'm not talking about the actual safety factors of your children's car seats, although that is clearly very important. I'm instead asking you to look at the car seat's safety beyond that of the car.

I'm pretty sure we are all aware of how the car seat protects children in an accident. This is what they are for, but what happens after an accident is just as important as what happens during the accident.

EMT personnel remove your child, while still in the car seat, from the vehicle involved in an accident.

This is for the protection of your child but also gives you an opportunity to protect your child.

If you (or the driver) was injured or even killed in an accident would your child be able to give important information to the emergency personnel? Could they say his or her name clearly? What about the address, emergency contact information or, more importantly, if they are allergic to any medications? Of course not and I'm not suggesting that you expect your child to do so. I am suggesting we think of the car seat as a communication device.

If you or the driver are ever hurt in an accident you can protect your children by giving the EMT personnel and law enforcement important information about your child right on the back of the car seat. This information could possibly save your child's life if they were hurt, but also it limits the time the child needs to be outside of the care of people you know and trust.

Take two note cards and write the following information on it:

- Child's full name
- Emergency contact information of at least two people (at least one local person). Make sure to include addresses and home and cellphone numbers labeling them.
- Important medical information such as allergies, local doctors, and current medications.
- Things that you think might help the person who will be taking care of your children until your emergency contacts can get there. Example: Nicknames of the child, talking points (even if your child can't speak) such as favorite pet's names, and the child's favorite type of animal (often teddy bears are given to kids during these times and if the police know that your child loves cats they might be able to find a stuffed one).

Place both cards in an envelope labeled "Emergency Contact Information" and tape it to the back of the child's car seat or underneath for boaster seats. Why two cards? Why not just tape the information to the car seat? Because this allows two people to have the information without things getting mixed up in the rewriting. Emergency personnel can have one and so can the person looking for your child's emergency contact.

If you think your child will be fine without this information and they still can't legally ride without a boaster or car seat, you need to do it anyway.

This information should be up-date each time your child out grows a car seat or on your child's birthday.

Each car seat, each car. Information is everything.

6 feet tall with a throwin' arm

Nicole and I had our consult with the infertility clinic yesterday. It actually went quite well. We learned about what types of meds and procedures the doctors recommend based on our situation. We also learned that our health insurance is amazing. In fact, everything should be 100% covered. Even co-pays for the visits. The only thing we will have to pay for at all is our co-pay for the meds and our deductible for the 6 weeks of care that the clinic requires after we are pregnant. The insurance doesn't consider that care part of the infertility treatments, so it falls into out 80/20 coverage. We are totally fine with that because it won't be that expensive anyway. More importantly, we could totally fall into the category of couples who have to pay everything out of pocket. There still might be issues with the insurance company, but more than likely there won't be. Thank God for good NY State health insurance.

Nicole and I talked before we got married about me not being able to have children and the different ways I could feel like I am apart of this whole baby making thing. I spent sometime on men's infertility support websites as, to be honest, I felt a loss on not being able to have biological children. I think it's important to allow oneself to feel that sense of loss even if having children isn't really about my DNA. I know that our children will be our children either way and that I will be their father. The good news is that sense of loss didn't last long. As soon as I started thinking about finding the right sperm donor, I started thinking about it as "shopping" for the characteristics that will best benefit my children. Let's be honest: I got excited because I could look for a 6ft tall guy with a good throwing arm and quick feet. The makings of a great Sooner football quarterback! Suddenly, I was able to see that this whole sperm donor thing wasn't a loss, but a gain. With it I will be able to have children I can teach about God and love until their eyes pop out; that in the grand scheme of things who I am as a father will benefit them more then what's in my DNA.

Nicole and I have decided that I get to pick the donor. I'll review my finial selections with her, but it's my decision. I'm glad for that. It gives me a part in this journey that's actually mine. I appreciate that Nicole understands that and she doesn't go looking for donors that she likes. She hasn't recommended one and I love her for that. She understands that I want to be involved in making a baby and this is how I get to be. I look through options and talk to her about them. We chat and discuss, but we know this is my choice. I love that.

We are going to go with the facial matching program. I narrow down a few choices and then hand over several photos of myself which then get matched to adult photos of the donors. This clearly gives me a better chance at the kids looks somewhat like me. But when it comes down to it looks don't really matter. My heart is big enough to allow for anything.

A Season of Preparation

I've been debating when I was going to start talking about our journey of baby making on this blog, which is one of the major reasons it's been so quite around here lately. I think that, in all honesty, it's really the only topic that's been on my mind to write about, but also the one that I was having a tough time putting on "paper". However, I think that there must be people out there somewhere who can benefit from our journey, but more importantly I think writing about everything will end-up being some sort of therapy for me.

To start having children isn't going to be very easy for Nicole and I. I am sterile, which totally makes me think of a cow for some reason so I prefer the term infertile although that opens doors for people to make all types of suggestions about surgeries and other "projects" that might "fix" me. Sterile just kinda says, "Step out you don't get it. This infertile thing isn't changing".

On top of that, Nicole has an autoimmune blood-clotting disease that is called Antiphospholipid syndrome (APS) which, among many of the issues attached to the disease, a pregnancy falls into the high-risk category. The basic idea is that because the capillaries are so small between the placenta and the mother that having this blood clotting disease quite drastically raises the chances for miscarriages and stillbirths. Nicole will have to go on shots to help prevent these types of clots. APS also makes it more difficult to get pregnant at least for some.

We are planning on trying to have children about one year from now, but because things aren't going to be so easy and we have to worry so much more about the health and wellbeing of both Nicole and our baby we have already started the process of seeing specialists.

This past Wednesday we met with a doctor who specializes in high-risk pregnancies. It was just a consult to help get us ready for all the steps ahead. We found out that 75% of women who that APS either see no changes in their symptoms or their symptoms are better when they are pregnant. There is no way of telling who will fall into that 75% though. The time during the pregnancy as well as the two weeks after raises the chances of Nicole having blood clots anywhere in her body including her brain, which are stokes. She has had these before, but lucky has no long-term effects.

It kinda took my breath away to hear the doctor say that there was a substantial risk of stillbirths 2nd tri-semester all the way through birth. He literately said the word stillbirth a good eight time during a short part of the session. The good news, besides the percentage mentioned above, is that Nicole already knows she has this disease (many women find out after several miscarriages) which means that doctors have a plan. There will be 80mg of aspirin for the first tri-semester and then we'll add daily shots off anti-clogging meds.

Nicole recently had an appointment with her OBGYN and found out that because she as APS she can kiss any epidural goodbye as well as going into birth naturally. She will have to be induced because she'll have to be off the shots for at least two days before going into labor so she doesn't bleed to death. The doctors will have to walk the fine line between bleeding too much and losing Nicole and clotting too much and losing the baby.

Maybe this all seems a little dramatic, but I think the first appointment always makes things feel a little more real. My real is just currently a little more medical than some others.

In a week or so, we have an appointment with the infertility center. Good times.

Worms! Worms! Worms!

It's official we bought worms today!! These aren't just any type of worms they are made for composting! Nicole and I are totally thrilled!

As part of our new eco-living plan, I talked last week about our decision to cut down on the amount of trash we make because we have to take our own trash, but most importantly because we want to make less of an impact on the earth. You can read that posting by clicking here. Worm composting (vermicomposting) cuts down on the amount of food and paper waste we throw way.

Today we ordered a pound of worms. Wait, Chris, that sounds like a lot of freakin' worms! How many is a pound exactly? Well, I can tell you that I'm not going to count them all, but on average a pound of worms is about 1000 worms! Think about it we are getting 1000 new family members. What other way can you do that without being the crazy family on the block? 1000 cats? 1000 dogs? I think one would get arrested. 1000 worms and we help save the world!

One pound of worms can consume about 1/2 pound of food a day. This means that we are going to need to eat more fruits and veggies to just feed the worms, which is rather nice seeing that we should be doing that anyway.

We originally decided to purchase a stacked worm bin that allow the worms to work their little way up through stacked bins to get to fresh food. This method is suppose to be much easier to harvest the compost because the worms are already on to another bin. I will probably need to harvest every three months or so.

Instead of the stack bin option, we have decided at least for now to go with the DIY bin. This is basically a plastic tub with air vents installed on the side and a spigot installed at the bottom for the "water" to drain out.

I'll keep everyone posted on the building of the bin and on the worms when they get here. Any thoughts on names??